If you follow me on social media, you've probably seen me post about a purpose project and how I'm planning on releasing something this year. Well… the wait is (almost) over. I have been working on something for years, inconsistently, and I am beyond ecstatic to mark it off my To-Do list. This project is something I have always dreamed of doing, just not in this exact way. I give God glory for the ideas, creativity, and energy put into this thing, but also for His grace throughout it all. Let me start at the beginning.
Three years ago, in August 2017, to be exact, God gave me a fantastic idea to write a book. I was shook.
Wait, let me back up a little more. In 2015 I moved back to Cincinnati because I disliked my life in Chicago. I was on the way to somewhere "better," AKA Atlanta, Los Angeles, or some other big city that was warm. I decided to move back to Cincinnati for a year to be near my family before my next grand adventure. (For those doing the math, that was 5.5 years ago, and I'm still here.) Anyway, I started getting real about my Walk with Jesus in fall 2015.
In summer 2016, I started whining to God about my purpose. "What's my purpose in life, God? Give me something to do! I want to do something with my life!" Let me pause and say there's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking purpose and wanting to do something with your life. I have always wanted to do something bigger than myself, and I fully support that drive and ambition. But, I say I was whining because I wanted God to give me something to do to make me feel validated. At that time (and still to this day), my friends were doing cool stuff, and I wanted to do something to keep up with them and feel just as cool. I wasn't trying to do something for the Kingdom; I was trying to do something that appeared to be for the Kingdom but really was for me.
Okay, so let's hop back to August 2017. I had grown in my Walk and was truly down for Christ, but I still felt there was more for me in this life. I wanted God to use me. One morning during my quiet time, after nagging God about my purpose for He knows how long, He spoke. He gave me this idea for a book. I was thrilled because I've always wanted to write a book… like ALWAYS always. As in, it's been my dream since middle school. I got the idea for the title immediately and had this whole strategy about the content and style. I started planning the book, outlining it, and coming up with chapter titles and topics. Saying I was excited doesn't even come close to how I felt! Then, it came time to start writing.
No one tells you that the most challenging part about writing a book is actually writing the book.
I was stuck. I was so confused about how I was inspired and going a mile a minute with the planning, but then hit zero when it came to writing. So, naturally, I stopped. The idea and the weight of it (read as conviction) never left me, though.
Let's jump to summer 2018, July to be exact. I decided to get serious about the book again, but I had tweaked it a little by this time. You see, I loved the title that God gave me, but I kept having issues with getting the content and style to match the title. I did a fast in July 2018 and grew closer to God than I had ever been before. I was making real progress on the book (at least compared to my previous efforts)! Then, in August, I got distracted. It became harder and harder to write; I kept getting stuck and frustrated. So, naturally, I stopped again.
Let's check in on 2019, shall we? I was hanging with God one day and brought Him a new idea for the book. Yes, I was still trying to force content and a writing style that matched the original title. I decided to pursue that idea for a minute, only for it to fail. Then, coincidentally in August, things changed. I was talking to God about the book. Again. I was tired of feeling conviction (from God) and condemnation (from the enemy) for not finishing something God had given me to do such a long time ago. I had tried to run from my assignment for so long, to the point where I didn't even feel qualified to give it a shot.
Have you ever felt like that? Like there's no point in doing something because too much time has passed since you started or wanted to start?
Here's a major spoiler alert: time will continue to pass regardless of if you start that thing or not. So start. Anyway, I was hanging with God, and He gave me a new download, one that matched the title to a tee. I was excited again - just as excited as I was back in 2017, if not more. I started planning and outlining right away; I had a chapter/topic list almost immediately. Then, it came time to sit down and write. Whew, chile, let me tell you - I was ready to quit. Again. It was hard. I was blocked. I was stuck. I was annoyed. I was discouraged. I didn't think I was qualified to be writing something I was so late on in the first place. But, this time, I didn't want to quit. I was tired of feeling like a failure. I wanted to finish. I would grudgingly drag myself to my office some nights and grumpily type my way through a topic. I wasted a lot of time procrastinating, hoping the weight of the book, my assignment, would just go away. It didn't. Before I knew it, it was 2020.
On the first Sunday of the year, I was crying to God (read as throwing an absolute fit) about things not going how I thought they would in life. I complained to Him about not having specific blessings and milestones that I thought He had promised me. Then, twenty minutes later, I tuned in to Transformation Church like I typically do on Sundays.
The Holy Spirit spoke through Pastor Mike directly to me so clearly that I sank down in my chair because I had never felt so exposed.
I was absolutely, positively, the definition of shook because Pastor Mike said, and I quote — actually, let's save that story for another time.
I promise I'll fill you in on what has happened this year, but know this: The biggest plot twist of 2020 will be that I finally release my purpose project and finish my assignment. It's not a book exactly, but it's essentially the same thing. I share my story in a way I never thought possible, but it's the way God had always planned. I am eager to share more of my testimony and what actually launched me into becoming a follower of Jesus, not just a believer. There are only six weeks left in the year (fact check me), so you don't have to wait long. Connect with me on social media to know when I finally give the world what God has put within me.
I'm looking forward to the day you Meet Teesh in a new way.
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